What I Was Watching in July 2022
Don’t worry, everyone! I accidentally watched a movie with Nicole Kidman in it again this month. I wonder how long it’ll take for me to inadvertently go through her entire IMDB page.
Fresh
Hulu
I’m not normally a horror movie person. But since we are in the year of the Sebastian Stan, I figured it was worth giving it a shot. I was still very icked out by it and I’ll never watch it again, but even I can admit that it is one of the most unique - and horrifying - thrillers that I could have imagined. It was incredibly well done and excruciatingly attention-grabbing.
The Verdict: 3.5/5
Spiderhead
Netflix
This kind of thriller is more my speed, but even so, it lost me towards the end. I was on board with it, and very intrigued at the mystery it was cultivating. Somehow, I didn’t even want to punch Miles Teller as I often do. It jumped the shark by the last quarter of the film, and unfortunately, with the worst part being the end, it left me with a not-so-great impression.
The Verdict: 2.75/5
Paddington
Netflix
Of all the potential watches I had on my list this month, I did not expect this to be the one that would be my surprise Nicole Kidman film. Despite having seen the last 1/3 or so before, I fully forgot she was an evil taxidermist with one of her best insane wigs. The movie is otherwise one of the most utterly endearing things I have seen in quite some time.
The Verdict: 3.75/5
Paddington 2
HBO Max
I knew this movie was a wholesome, beloved piece of cinema that no one was ready for and everyone was here for. My expectations were probably a bit too high, but when I mentally zoomed out, I realized this is as delightful, if not more so, than its predecessor. That alone is a truly impressive feat for a sequel. Also, I swear roughly 1/3 of all the adult actors in Harry Potter are in this thing.
The Verdict: 4/5
Lightyear
In theaters
While normally, the promise of a Chris Evans performance (even in voice alone) and a cute cat would be enough for me to swoon over a movie, but that was all Lightyear had to offer me. The plot fell flat, I was utterly baffled by some of the choices made (including the fact that Buzz had zero issues with skipping years at a time of people’s lives) and I just wasn’t emotionally attached to anyone.
The Verdict: 3/5
Mr. Malcolm’s List
In theaters
My Bridgerton- and Jane Austen-loving heart was filled to the brim with this movie. It’s extremely predictable and you could all but set your watch by the different beats of this plot. But when I see there is a regency era romance, that’s exactly what I expect to get. And when it does that, and does it well, it’s a win in my book. I’m not looking for twists and turns. I just want to become invested in a love story.
The Verdict: 3.5/5
Blade
HBO Max
This movie is insane. Legitimately insane. I have no idea how they are going to do a remake of this that fully embodies the manic energy behind this. There’s so, so much blood. Which isn’t shocking, considering it is about vampires (and so, so many vampires). It’s very stylized, Wesley Snipes is clearly the coolest guy around and it’s unlike any other comic book movie I’ve seen.
The Verdict: 3/5
Marcel the Shell with Shoes on
In theaters
I’ll be the first to admit that Jenny Slate can sometimes grate on my nerves, and that’s usually her character’s goal (looking at you, Mona-Lisa Saperstein). This is the opposite - it’s endearing to it’s very core. The story of Marcel is heartwarming. There are a myriad of one-liners and bits that made the whole theater laugh out loud. The visuals are overwhelmingly adorable. It’s the exact antidote to the world being on fire, and it’s needed.
The Verdict: 4/5
Moonfall
Rented via Apple
I watched this movie because I knew it would be an absolute disaster. I was not disappointed in this respect. That’s what it was in every sense of the word. For Heaven’s sake, the moon keeps sneaking up on people!! As if that is a thing it can do! It has effects on the earth that change dramatically every single time it pops up in the background, with no rhyme or reason. It is a hilarious mess.
The Verdict: 2/5
Persuasion
Netflix
This was not a hilarious mess. In fact, I was not amused by how bad of an adaptation it is. I watched it with another Austenite friend of mine, and despite neither of us truly loving the source material, we both felt like it was a disservice. The characters felt all wrong, there were a handful of modern phrases among the Regency-era dialogue and there was an odd smattering of fourth-wall-breaking that was just unsettling.
The Verdict: 2/5
The Girl In The Picture
Netflix
When I watched the preview for this documentary, I knew it would be a roller coaster of a tale, but even I (who listens to far too many true crime podcasts) could not predict the absolute bonkers number of turns and twists the story took. It’s equal parts horrifying and fascinating, and it’s hard to believe that any of this could be real, despite all the evidence that it absolutely was.
The Verdict: 4/5
I let my random whims dictate this month’s film choices and it was a delight, for the most part. I think I’ll have to do that more often.